my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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