I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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