you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
