She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
