my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize