No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
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No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
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my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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