i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
