what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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