you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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