he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just gift wrapped bread.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
