I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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