i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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