The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
