OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
