I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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