He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
