I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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