If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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