On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
