shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
