roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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