You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
