Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
