i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
