Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
