apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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