can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
