Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
