So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
