Can i not drive my cunt home
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
