I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
