Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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