Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
