she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she looked like the before picture.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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