At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
