I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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