Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hippo gnu deer
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
