I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
