mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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