At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
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Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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