I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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