I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
home. puking in laundry basket.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
