What did we do last night that was yellow?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize