Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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