dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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