Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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