I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
