she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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