So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
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I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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