I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
