I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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