Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.

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  (860): Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV. http://tfl.nu/ridn
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (2570)
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  (909): View more from California

  You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"

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  (909): You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish" http://tfl.nu/4kon
  Replies (9) Good night (3640) Bad night (738)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college

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  (651): i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college http://tfl.nu/vjhh
  Replies (37) Good night (6875) Bad night (630)
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  (353): View more from

  Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.

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  (353): Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila. http://tfl.nu/uacf
  Replies (10) Good night (4256) Bad night (873)
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  (619): View more from California

  He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.

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  (619): He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy. http://tfl.nu/8ucs
  Replies (14) Good night (1176) Bad night (5237)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!

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  (704): i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like! http://tfl.nu/0t7g
  Replies (31) Good night (1111) Bad night (5639)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.

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  (321): I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one. http://tfl.nu/vil5
  Replies (15) Good night (6013) Bad night (1443)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?

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  (904): Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke? http://tfl.nu/8orw
  Replies (19) Good night (4032) Bad night (1423)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.

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  (803): Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one. http://tfl.nu/n5r8
  Replies (1) Good night (669) Bad night (1323)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.

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  (202): He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster. http://tfl.nu/s5i4
  Replies (12) Good night (880) Bad night (2192)
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  (+90): View more from Turkey

  I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.

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  (+90): I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later. http://tfl.nu/oo4d
  Replies (7) Good night (568) Bad night (1252)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?

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  (714): I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what? http://tfl.nu/ezau
  Replies (7) Good night (1266) Bad night (565)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.

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  (914): I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all. http://tfl.nu/vbbe
  Replies (4) Good night (1646) Bad night (543)
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  (716): View more from New York

  What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?

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  (716): What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ? http://tfl.nu/ajxd
  Replies (27) Good night (908) Bad night (549)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.

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  (813): I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller. http://tfl.nu/9m9c
  Replies (7) Good night (558) Bad night (910)

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