I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
