I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
