I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex