the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
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that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
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That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay