she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?