the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop