You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
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