two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
