so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
