So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am one with the molecules
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
