The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
