Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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