I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Your cock deserves a montage
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
