Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
This is my gift to your gina
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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