operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
