what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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