How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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