my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
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You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
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We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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