we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize