i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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