He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
