Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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