I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
