Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize