There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
