My sheets look like a crime scene.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
