absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
