no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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