I wish I could teleport
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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